This was a comment I made over at Mindy’s. The discussion was about Dr Laura’s advice, her books and people who waggle them at you and expect you to change. I followed the thread yesterday and made my comment before going to bed last night. This morning there were several emails in my inbox suggesting I post the comment here (Mindy thinks it might help stop the ‘post or else threats’) and I’m thinking it will help push that depressing post down the page a little further.
Dr Laura, it seems, only sees two shades, black or white. There are times when we need to be spoken to in black and white, and often I think that Dr Laura’s callers are in a state of mind where they need the blunt black and white, otherwise they wouldn’t have picked up the phone in the first place. But so many times life throws an amazing and overwhelming spectrum of greys our way.
When I do listen to her (I haven’t read her book) I get the impression that these people are looking for an answer to be given to them, and she merely obliges. More often than not though, I find myself yelling at the radio (the caller and Dr Laura) because there is no way that complete, coherent or conclusive advice or direction can be given to a real life situation in a 3 minute phone call. The callers are cut off when trying to explain in any depth their circumstances or it is obvious they don’t wish to divulge the full story - causing, IMO, poor advise being given. I shudder to think that some people would make a life decision based on one of these calls.
But more than a ‘do you like Dr Laura’ ‘No, I can’t stand her’ ‘yeah, me too’ type debate, I think the issue is: ‘Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water’.
With any advice, be it from a mother, a friend, a therapist, a neighbour, a talk-show host or religious leader, we should glean then separate the good from the bad. We’ve all been given brains to think for ourselves. We know our situation better than anyone else ever could. We know our children better than anyone else ever will and ultimately we are the ones responsible for the choices we make.
I say, look to the self help books, the articles in your favourite magazine, have that cup of coffee with your friend and seek her opinion, let someone nag you and even call Dr Laura if you must. But then, we should take what’s said and intelligently apply it to our own life and situations.
We know our own endurance levels, breaking points and wells of strength (or lack of them). Advice is great, but let each individual have the right to apply or disregard as they see fit. This rarely fits with those who see in black and white.
The best advisers, helpers and friends, always are not those who tell us how to act in special cases, but who give us, out of themselves, the ardent spirit and desire to act right, and leave us then, even through many blunders, to find out what our own form of right action is.
Phillips Brooks
US Episcopal bishop (1835 - 1893)
